H.E.'s Reviews

Loveless (for now...)

2008-07-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

Loveless (for now...)
Written by: Allison
Reviewer: D. Fizzle

Title: 6/10
Comment: It wasn't that capturing and didn't really relate to the story. If I saw this on winglin I wouldn't have clicked on it. I also feel that the extra part in parenthesis was not necessary.

Plot: 14/20
Comment: The plot was okay. It wasn't the greatest though. I also found it a tiny bit annoying how you just gave up Jiyong's side love and suddenly made TOP just like Jiyong. It was like a repeat of the twenty chapters you had written for Jiyong.

Flow: 7/10
Comment: I think it was a bit too quick. Big Bang started liking MiYoung after two days. It's a bit unrealistic for that too happen. Then it felt slow when you added TOP's love for MiYoung. You start something and end it so suddenly. I didn't have enough time to digest it all.

Forward: 4/10
Comment: It was only a few lines and didn't really leave me wanting more. You could have given a bit more description instead of giving a list about the characters.

Poster/Background: 5/10
Comment: You didn't really have a poster. It was just a picture of Big Bang and looks are part of capturing readers. The background was okay, and it was easy to read so thumbs up for that.

Originality/Creativity: 7/15
Comment: It was pretty cliche, but I have to admit I did not see Jiyong's attack on MiYoung coming. Other events you put in were cute, enjoyable but you could guess what was happening.

Writing Style: 8/10
Comment: You would skip a line after one or two sentences. You could have just left it and created a paragraph. There were also times when you started out with quotations then switched to script format. You should stick with one or the other. The way you wrote your story seemed a bit robotic. There wasn't much feeling and the way you transitioned from one topic to the next seemed awkward.

Spelling/Grammar: 6/10
Comment: Sometimes when you switched the POV, you ended up talking in another POV like this:
SeungRi and DaeSung take her luggage to a bedroom so I decided to follow.
You said "her" instead of "I". It gets a bit confusing. You did that a lot too.

There were times you didn't use certain words correctly.
I blushed to when she came.
It should be "too" instead of "to".

Or:

I put my stuff on the desk and laid down the bed.
You forgot to put "on" in the sentence.

You didn't have big mistakes and a person could easily ignore the mistake and read on but I do advise that you reread through your chapters because though as small as the mistakes were, there were still a lot of them.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Comment: It was enjoyable but to be honest there were times when I felt a bit tired of your story while reading it.

Total Grade: 60/100

The Broken Mirror

2008-07-29T08:37:00.000-07:00

Title: The Broken Mirror
Written by: Blue Angel
Reviewer: skewlangel

Title:8/10
Your title relates to your story but it just doesn't catch the eye enough. Also,your title is self explanatory.

Plot:18 /20
You thought it out very well but it was simple and easy to figure out.

Flow: 9/10
Your story wasn't moving too fast,nor slow. Perfectly balanced.

Forward: 9/10 
Your forewords had a very well written explanation about the story. You added the
characters' and their info as well but you could have added a little bit more to it.

Poster/Background: 10/10
Your poster is very nice and so is your background and it matched your background
because it was of a broken mirror and it matched perfectly.

Originality/Creativity: 15/15
Your storyline was a little different and unique because many writers on Winglin
write normal love stories and other stuff but you chose to write your story like
this.

Writing Style: 10/10
Your writing style was simple and just fabulous.

Spelling/Grammar: 9.5/10
I spotted only a few mistakes in terms of capitalization but it was okay.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I absolutely enjoyed reading your story because it was creative and very fun to read.

Total Grade :93.5/100

Beauty and the Beast - with a twist

2008-07-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

Beauty and the Beast - with a twist
Written by: Corina
Reviewer: jaejaex2

Title: 10/10
*"Beauty and the Beast" is a story, I myself is a fan of and addicted to. But the
twist part makes the story more alluring to readers, so I admire that. It's very
straight forward with what you can expect in the story.

Plot: 10/20
*I personally found the plot a little expected at some points, due to the fact that
this is based off of the Disney edition. But I love the fact that it doesn't stick
solely to the actually story.

Flow: 9/10
*The flow of the story is very nice. Its not slow nor fast paced which a good thing.
And I overly admire the fact that you can be detailed without being overly boring.
But I was being biased towards the last point, if I was a more patient person, I
would have given you a perfect score.

Forward: 10/10
*Love the forward.

Poster/Background: 1/10
*I'm sorry for this one. I would suggest more better color scheme. And the poster
part is optional. If you would like one you can request at our site.

Originality/Creativity: 9/15
*Most of this is based off the fact that it is a based version of Beauty and Beast
but overall the originality is shown through it. Sometimes you can even say that it
is a little too original.

Writing Style: 10/10
*The writing style is fabulous. Its not confusing or anything.

Spelling/Grammar: 10/10
*Again it's fabulous. I didn't see any mistakes and if there were, I was probably
too entranced with your story to notice.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
*This would a be a second choice type of story for me but I do love it.

Total Grade: 72/100

Memory

2008-07-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

Title: Memory
Written by: sarah
Reviewer: jaejaex2

Title:6 /10 *The title is very simple and quite self-explanatory. But I feel like it doesn't catch the eye enough. It does, but not the type that is an instant, it's like a double-take title.

Plot: 18/20 *Very well thought-out, basically.

Flow: 10/10 *I actually love the flow of the story. It's not too fast, nor too slow. Completely balanced.

Forward: 5/10 *The Forwards need a little more to it. The excerpts or phrases you used were extremely fitting to the story but it could have a little more to it.

Poster/Background: 7/10 *The poster is nice but the shading methods could be modified with this picture. It looks a little too harsh, contradicting to your story's genre. And the background is a neutral color, meaning that this story is more on the calm side, though the dramatic scenes are a little over the top, it serves it purpose. Making the story's appearance unique, though the poster still bothers me a little. Just the shading.

Originality/Creativity: 14/15 *Although the theme is a little used, I admire the way you try to make me original to your story. But the memory-loss theme is generally over-used but served a good purpose for your story too.

Writing Style: 10/10 *The writing style got a little weird between the thoughts and the actions of the characters but its easy to decipher, so that's okay.

Spelling/Grammar: 9/10 *Although your spelling is wonderful, you could work more on your grammar.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5 *Although it wouldn't be my first choice, I admit that the story is entertaining. The characters and the plot line, are extremely well blended. You make the main characters stand out in the story without under-estimating the locations of the scenes.

Total Grade: 83/100

hate U love U

2008-05-24T19:17:00.000-07:00

Title: hate U love U
Written By: Eru
Reviewer: Taiwangirl

Forewords: 7/10
Comment: I thought that your forewords were really lacking details. Not in the character description part, but in the short synopsis of the story. Although your forewords was straight and to the point, but it wouldn’t hurt to add a little more details.

Title: 8/10
Comment: Your title like your foreword was straight and to the point, although as a title this it’s best that it’s straight and to the point. However I deducted 2 points because your title is used often, it’s not that original, but even so it’s short and easy to remember.

Plot: 18/20
Comment: From what I read so far your story seemed like it is well planned out. You know what’s going to happen when it’s going to occur. Also in contrast to that your plot is really

Flow: 10/10
Comment: The flow of the story is the authors own choice, so you get full marks on this section.

Poster/Background: 3/5
Comment: I liked you poster, although one thing that I noticed about your poster and background right away was that it was all green. I suggest that you make your background a different color, or at least a lighter shade of green.

Originality/Creativity: 10/15
Comment: I can sense creativity in your story, although I also sense that in some parts the story is a bit clichéd. However I like that you put your own style even if it’s something that could have come from a drama.

Writing Style: 10/10
Comment: I didn’t doc any points from your writing style because I believe that every single writer has there own style of writing, and we as the reader or reviewer should respect that.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: 13/15
Comment: You did good on your spelling and grammar, although at some parts you made typo errors, while at other parts you forgot to capitalize the names. However those are tiny errors that don’t affect your story.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
Comment: At some parts I felt your story was draggy, while at other parts I felt your story progressing too fast. In addition to that, I’m not really sure about Korean so when you use Korean words, I don’t really know what you mean.

Total: 81/100
Review’s Note:
Sorry for taking so long. I hope you don’t dislike me for taking forever. Hope to see you request from Happy Errors in the near future.

What If...

2008-05-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

Title: What If...
Written by: Zara
Review by: skewlangel

Title: 10/10
Comment: Your title “What if...”fits the mood of your story and when I scrolldown on winglin and see your title it makes me wonder what this title means.

Plot: 11/20
Comment: Your plot was kind of hard to understand but it was really interesting but next time try to make your plot easier for your readers to understand.

Flow: 8/10
Comment: The flow of your storyline is in a nice pace but you seem to be rushing the events happening in your story.

Forward: 6/10
Comment: The foreword was interesting and it made me want to read more but you should have gave a brief description of the characters and the setting.

Poster/Background: 4/5
Comment: Since you didn’t have a poster or background I graded you on the color of the text and background. The background matches the mood of the story and the text color pink was a good choice because it matched with the background but not with the mood of your story.

Originality/Creativity: 13/15
Comment: Your storyline was creative and different from the other stories I’ve read and your plot was interesting but your characters personalities were almost the same as other characters from other stories I’ve read before. Also, the characters used in your story were never used before in the stories on winglin so it’s really something new.

Writing Style: 7/10
Comment: Each paragraph in your storyline has too much sentences because a paragraph consists of 5 sentences but they were organized enough for readers to understand.

Spelling/Grammar: 9/15
Comment: The sentences in your story didn’t make sense and you needed commas right after you end a dialogue and before you show who was speaking and you need to put periods. Also, there were quite a lot of grammar mistakes in your sentences.
Ex: “Okay Bella, I said it was okay, yish chill okay Bell?,Blaise said as he continued reading his book. Draco who was looking outside the window said,” We’ll be arriving soon let’s change into out uniforms. ”, hesaid as he took out his clothes and walked out, trying to find an empty compartment. Hermione stood up from her seat and took her clothes also before walking out.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
Comment: While reading your story I reallywas interested but in the beginning chapters it was quite boring and didn’tinterest me at all but as the story went on it became interesting with all the drama and problems coming up.

Overall Grade: 72/100
Keep up the good work and remember to edit your work before you post it!

Pretending To Be...

2008-04-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

Pretending To Be
Written by: brokendreams
Reviewed by: Hyeri

Forwords: 7/10
Comment-- I thought it was good. I liked the mini beginning, or the prologue??

Title: 9.5/10
Comment-- I liked your title very much actually. It was very suitable to your story.

Plot: 15/20
Comment-- This is a really nice plot; very unique and hooking. This is so far the best.

Flow: 8/10
Comment-- Everything fell into place nicely, but I did feel like skimming through the dialogue and brief descriptions.

Poster/Background: 5/5
Comment-- I loved the poster and the background. You have a great font color too.

Originality/Creativity: 16/20
Comment-- The plot is different and refreshing, so good marks for originality. As for creativity, you could be more elaborate. The job of the author is to entertain the reader with as much details, descriptions and symbols. You barely describe the characters. Even if they are on the poster you should give a full description of them.

Writing Style: 5/10
Comment: I honestly do not favor your writing style because you have too many grammatical mistakes. You write the story in first person so it takes an amount of time to develop something, and I love that. Your characters each have something new and that is also a plus. It would not hurt to add in more dialogue to make the story run by faster, even though it is not. It gives the reader a type of filler. Readers love dialogue, so give them what they want, but only if you find it reasonable for your convenience.

Spelling/Grammar: 7/15
Comment-- I found a HEAVY amount of misspelled words, incorrect punctuation, and choppy sentences. Personally, if it was not for the plot and this being a review then I would have stopped reading. If English is not your first language, then I can relate and understand. Since you warned me about you writing this a long time ago and having some grammar mistakes, this lowers your score. If you wrote it such a long time ago and decided to post it, then you should have proofread it. You can always go back and fix it since your story is incomplete.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
Comment-- If you would just add more detail and fix the grammar, then you will get an entire five. You have a great plot, so do not ruin it just because you can’t go back and read it over. You have something good.

Total Grade: 74.5/100

{.Fate.}

2008-04-18T14:16:00.000-07:00

{.Fate.}

Written by: yanting

Reviewed by: skewlangel

Title: 5/10

Comment: Your title is nice but it doesn’t really fit with you story because when I read your story, the title Fate just didn’t match with the main idea of the story.

Plot: 9/20

Comment: I’ve seen a lot of stories with the same plot as yours before.

Flow: 4/10

Comment: Your flow isn’t very good because you don’t update very often and you also tend to take a really long hiatus.

Forwards: 8/10

Comment: You informed your readers about what your story was going to be about and you provided them with the reason why you wrote the story but you could have told your readers what your characters are like or their characteristics.

Poster/Background: 4.5/5

Comment: Your poster and background is very nice but you only included Donghae and Kibum. In your forwards you stated that Eunhyuk was also a main character but in you poster you only included two of the main characters.

Originality/Creativity: 11/15

Comment: Your story is similar to many other yaoi stories but there was a twist in your story that many others don’t have.

Writing Style: 10/10

Comment: You inform your reader’s when there are sounds like the ring of the bell and you separate the different settings in your story.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: 9/15

Comment: I found a lot of errors in your story while reading. Your sentences have spelling mistakes and it doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

Comment: I enjoyed reading your story but try to update more often so your readers don’t lose interest in your story.

Total: 65.5/100

You, The Love Snatcher, Me, The Victim

2008-04-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

You, The Love Snatcher, Me, The Victim

Written by: lildragongurl~

Reviewed by: Christina Ly

Title: 3/10
Comment: The title is not only long, but so far it has nothing to do with the story, maybe later in the story it will although right now your title doesn’t really make sense.

Plot: 15/20
Comment: Lols I wrote a story something like you….but just a bit different…although your plot is original…how she uses her cousin as her boyfriend…although it’s a little cliché…I mean the part where you mention Arron going to America and coming back….

Flow: 10/10
Comment: Good job for making it flow, you did a good job…when I was reading I had nothing like uhh…how did this come into here…okay this is so weird…nothing like that…

Forward: 8/10
Comment: You placed character description and everything…although your description for Hebe doesn’t really make sense…I mean saying Hebe is a tomboy really means that she wouldn’t be caught wearing a dress…and in addition her being popular with all the guys doesn’t really make sense….

Poster/Background: 5/5
Comment: You get full marks on this because you have a background and it’s really pretty….just I don’t get the posts on you poster….

Originality/Creativity: 8/15
Comment: Well really I would’ve given you a higher score but you even said that you used the plot of some movie…

Writing Style: 6/10
Comment: Your writing style is unique….at some point’s it’s very funny…and at some point’s it’s serious…but I feel you can improve…lolz

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: 13/15
Comment: You had pretty good convention’s I mean a little mistake here and there but hey…it’s an internet story not a professional one…I suggest reading it over though…because you had some very obvious mistakes.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Comment: Overall I enjoy reading your story…actually I enjoy reading any story about Arron or Fahrenheit…lolz….but I like your style even if it’s clichéd…

Total Score: 63/100

Reviewer Note

Sorry for taking to long….I got this request when I was in Vietnam so I didn’t know…but I hope you continue to request more reviews from HappyErrors

Chicken Wings

2008-03-31T12:01:00.000-07:00

Chicken Wings

Written by: chickenwings
Reviewed by: D. Fizzle

Title: 7/10

Comment: I gave you a seven for your title because it’s out-of-the-ordinary and eye catching. It sticks out of the list of stories on winglin and honestly, before you sent in this request I did click on your story.

Plot: 1/20

Comment: Your plot revolved around chicken and as much as I like chicken, there isn’t much to your story. What happens in each chapter is Kibum wants chicken and then Ayumi gives him chicken. What’s the point?

Flow: 1/10
Comment: There is no plot. There is no flow. There is no story.

Forward: 2/10
Comment: It wasn’t eye catching at all and it actually says to people that your story isn’t going to be any better because all you said were the names of the characters. You didn’t even bother to even capitalize their names! You’ve added something about the plot and genre of the story.

Poster/Background: 3/5
Comment: You had no poster of background and you may think it’s unfair that I marked down points because of that but those things are the eye catchers. I gave you a three because the color of your font was clear and I could read it easily.

Originality/Creativity: 4/15
Comment: I think that the only creative things you had in your story was your title and should I say, your “plot” because not many things are based on chicken wings, but on the other hand it only lasts in the beginning because every chapter starts the same and ends the same.

Writing Style: 2/10
Comment: Your chapters were really short and can’t even be called chapters. I think you should add more details and events into the chapters to keep the readers reading.

Spelling/Grammar: 1/15
Comment: Basically, you had no punctuation. There were no periods and there were no commas. You didn’t bother to capitalize the beginning of your sentences. I found spelling problems in every chapter and every sentence! I can’t give all the examples but here are a few:

Original: "umma read me a gud night storypls" kibum smile lyk a baby

Fixed: “Umma, read me a goodnight story please.” Kibum smiled like a baby.

Original: ayumi laff and say "sure i wil read u a story"

Fixed: Ayumi laughed and said, “Sure I will read you a story.”

Original: ayumi look and kibum was alredy sleepin she kiss him on the lip and sleep too

Fixed: Ayumi looked and saw that Kibum was already sleeping. She kissed him on the lips and went to sleep too.

I’d advise you to stay away from using slang because that ruins the professionalism of your story. You should also write when you have the time because looking at all the mistakes in your story it seems like you did it in a couple of minutes and in a rush. I would also say to double check your writing before you let your readers see it.

Overall Enjoyment: 1/5

Comment: I wanted to leave as soon as I read the first chapter.

Total Grade: 22/100

Comment: Sorry if I was harsh but that’s just my opinion. I think you should also get other reviewer’s thoughts on your story too, but I think they would say the same thing.

Our Starting Point

2008-03-19T17:29:00.000-07:00

Our Starting Point

Written by: `Angelsakura*~
Reviewed by: Hyeri

Title: 6/10

To be honest, if I was skimming down the sea of fan fictions, then I would not have picked your story to read.

Plot: 7/10

It seems well enough, but it sounds very clichéd and the ending is highly predictable. Since your story is incomplete there is always room for improving ^-^

Flow: 4/10

Your forward had countless mistakes in grammar. Personally, reading a forward that has a lot of misspelled words gives me the signal to not continue on reading. I would have dropped out of your story from reading it; however, yours were common mistakes. Mistakes are still mistakes though.

Poster/Background: 5/5

Beautiful and peppy, and it does agree with the beginning of the story very nicely. Though it matches the beginning of the story, it does not appeal to the other side of the story. Peppiness is for the fan fictions that have barely any conflict. You should have used something on the upsetting side rather than the sunshine side.

Originality/Creativity: 7.5/15

The reason why I'm giving you half a score is because the originality is excellent, but the creativity is severely lacking. You were very nondescript with everything. It is the writer's job to bring on the imagination and the visualization. You obviously did not do that. You even quoted something along the lines of, "Imagine it yourselves." This is the worse mistake you could make in writing. Do not do that, it is disrespect to the reader. You're basically getting their hopes up and then pushing them off a cliff

Writing Style: 4/10

I am being very generous with my scoring on this. You include yourself inside the story countless times. It's alright sometimes, but you went over. Second, you were shifting from P.O.V. randomly. Overall, your writing style is not very appealing and it's something that needs drastic changing.

Spelling/Grammar: 6/15

There is such a thing a proofreading, and it's palpable that you did not do that in the least bit.. I'm not going to give you an example because you, as the writer, should know everything that occurs in your own writing.

Overall Enjoyment: 1.6/5

I did not enjoy this ONLY because of grammar and lack of description. You have a great idea, but you must learn how to grasp the basics of writing like a true writer. Reviews won't be too different from mine.

Total Score: 41.1/100

My Boyfriend and Girlfriend

2008-03-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

My Boyfriend and Girlfriend

Written by: babyxjay
Reviewed by: SoHyun Kim

Title: 9/10
Comment—Your title reflects upon the story, but it doesn’t stand out or anything. The
title is not lengthy and can be easy to remember.

Plot: 17/20
Comment -- The plot has nothing special to it, but I like it anyways. Some parts were more interesting than others, but I think it’s enough to catch the reader’s mind.

Flow: 8/10
Comment -- The flow is really, really good and you made it as if it could really happen. Though I don’t get how the scene changes so fast in some parts, it’s overall a decent storyline.

Forward: 10/10
Comment -- Your forward was exceptionally detailed. No other comments.

Poster/Background: 4/5
Comment -- Your poster is very nice and it matches with the background. The text shows, but doesn’t match with the background or poster. The title/subtitle is a better colour to use for the text colour..

Originality/Creativity: 12/15
Comment -- The creativity was not as good, but I think that occasionally, you put an exciting event, for example, the part where Chang Min gets a makeover.

Writing Style: 9/10
Comment -- I like your writing style a lot because it was clear, but you always skip a line after one sentence. Paragraphing the text would be a good idea.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: 14/15
Comment -- The spelling and grammar were mostly correct, but sometimes you would forget to put a comma (though you may not choose to if you don’t desire). I don’t get why you put asterisks around some words though. Overall, it was great.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
Comment -- I think readers would really like this story. You’re a great writer and I hope you will continue to post on Winglin and create other stories. But, you could add a little tiny bit of detail into the actions (e.g. adverbs) to make it more interesting.

Total Grade: 87/100

Band-Age

2008-03-02T06:05:00.000-08:00

Band-Age

Written by: Keleos
Reviewed by: Christina Ly

Title: 8/10

Comment-- Your title matched with the plot of the story, although is a bit lengthy....

Plot: 19/20

Comment-- It is original, and I haven't read many stories like it....although it can use a little bit more details

Flow: 8/10

Comment-- The story flowed pretty well together...though at some points you didn't mention what that was previously said...like in the chapter with Chun..the previous chapter said something about Jiro dressing Chun as a girl...Although you didn't stretch on that in Chun's story and what he felt about it...

Forward: 6/10

Comment-- It was catchy...can use a bit more though.

Poster/Background: 5/5

Comment-- I gave you full points because the background matched the stories mood...

Originality/Creativity: 13/15

Comment-- It had a lot of creativity, and originality which made some parts really fun to read.

Writing Style: 10/10

Comment-- Really well, although I don't know what your style of writing is...I will say that this fanfic is really well written.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: 13/15

Comment-- Pretty good, although it could be improved....hey a better word choice comes for a better story.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

Comment-- I have to tell you that it was a good story to read...funny at points, actually really funny....

Total: 87/100

Comment-- Hope you like the rating it's a B+...

2008-03-01T15:43:00.000-08:00

My Numb Heart

Written by: Haruko
Reviewed by: skewlangel (Nancy)

Title: 18/10
Comment-- Liked your title but when i first saw it on winglin i got only a little interested.

Plot: 19/20
Comment-- Different from the other plots of the stories that i have read on winglin.

Flow: 9/10
Comment-- I was kinda bored in the beginning but as the story went on it got more interesting.

Poster/Background: 5/5
Comment-- Liked what you used for the font and background.

Originality/Creativity: 18/20
Comment-- As i said before it is different from the other stories I've read so far.

Writing Style: 10/10
Comment-- No comments just that i like your writing style.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: 15/15
Comment-- Perfect grammar,punctuation and found no spelling mistakes.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Comment-- Really enjoyed reading it keeps me thinking what's going to happen next? Well keep up the great work

Total Grade: 99/100

Scars for Life

2008-02-28T13:11:00.000-08:00

Scars for Life

Written by: sweetybeccy
Reviewed by: D. Fizzle

Title: 9/10
Comment-- Your title gives off the feel that your story has but if I were to just look at your title on winglin, I wouldn't have clicked on it.

Plot: 17/20
Comment—It’s hard to say since you’re still writing but with what you have so far it had some good interesting parts to it like when you made Yunho part of her past. I wasn’t really expecting that to happen. But there are also cliché things like Jaejoong, the caring guy who has a one-sided love. The other characters are pretty cliché and I can probably guess who’s getting who. But the love stories are pretty interesting, though so far like a regular cliché story.

Flow: 7/10
Comment-- The beginning was really boring. But as the story progressed it became more interesting. In my opinion, the way she was falling for Yunho seemed a bit too fast and the Yunho at the club too. There was also how she found out about her lost memories. It seemed pretty abrupt. The rest of the story is okay though.

Forward: 8/10
Comment-- You gave a brief little summary of the story. You didn't tell too much and you could capture the readers with it. The thing is you might have been too vague on the whole story and as I read it, it felt like I was reading the same thing over again.

Poster/Background: 4/5
Comment-- Your poster is pretty but the background and text color don't match which caused your score to be a 4 instead of a 5.

Originality/Creativity: 9/15
Comment--It was creative how you developed into everyone’s own love problems but the way you took care of the problem wasn’t very original like the warm hugging embrace and all that sweet talk. There was also that common used amnesia storyline where the girl forgets her past loved one.

Writing Style: 8/10
Comment-- Sometimes you'd write a line and skip, a line and skip, and then suddenly have a big paragraph and there are the different P.O.V.’s that you have and when you write “Author’s P.O.V.” you say “I” as in Rebecca talking when it should be from you’re P.O.V. so you should have said “she”.

Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: 9/15
Comment-- I'd like to let you off on your typos but you sure have a lot of them! Sometimes you didn't capitalize and you misspelled several words chapter after chapter. There was also your punctuation where you would put a comma where you shouldn’t and leave quotation marks out when you need them.

Examples:

"Hey Beccy!" Vicky called after Rebecca when she spotted ,e down the hall way.
”Hey Beccy,” Vicky called after Rebecca when she spotted her down the hallway.

"Huh?" I asked turning around. Looking for the person who was calling for me,
“Huh?” I asked turning around, looking for the person who was calling for me,

I said in frustration and not I had a lot of sarcaism when I said more experience.
I said in frustration, using a lot of sarcasm as I said experience.

Now, those were just a few of the examples in the first chapter. I think there has to be at least 10 of those kinds of mistakes in every chapter. In the future, you should double check your writing before you put it up.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Comment—I’d also like to add that the characters act very dramatically. Anyways, I enjoyed it fairly well but there were many times I wanted to skip a chapter or two.

Total Grade: 74/100

Reviews

2008-02-27T14:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is where Happy Errors are going to put your reviews. So just copy your review and paste it in your story. Got it? ^_^